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Things I Never Thought I’d Hear Myself Say
“Son, why are you wearing a bottle around your neck?”uttered after meeting child on stairs who was wearing a necklace consisting of Mardi Gras beads tied to a 2-liter soda bottle.
“Are you crying because you do not have an EKG machine?” in response to dd who got upset because I told her that it would be difficult to properly study the effects of emotion on heart rate without specialized monitoring equipment.
“Why did your son paint my dress with toothpaste?”exclaimed to husband after discovering said artwork on my favorite red dress.
“Who stole my shoes?” yelled at children who have nabbed my conveniently located but beat-up plastic garden shoes rather than finding their own shoes. There is never any way to guess which of them will swipe my shoes.
“I dropped a frozen corn dog on it.”in explanation as to why my toenail is coming off and looks so awful